


i feel you, your precious soul, and i am whole

by amorremanet



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Accidental Relationship, Alpha Derek Hale, Alpha Scott McCall, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Control Issues, Desire, Dom/sub, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Epigraph, Episode: s03e06 Motel California, Escapism, Ficlet, Hale Family Feels, Hurt Derek Hale, Hurt Scott, Implied Sexual Content, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Masochism, Mutual Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Submission, Mutually Subby OTP, Nine Inch Nails References, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Power Exchange, Quotations, Relationship Negotiation, Responsibility, Sexual Fantasy, Song Lyrics, Stress Relief, Sub Derek Hale, Sub Scott McCall, Submission, Submissive Character, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Werewolf Culture, Werewolf Politics, music references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 20:00:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amorremanet/pseuds/amorremanet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>They don’t mean for it to happen, at least not at first, and they certainly don’t mean for it to happen in the way that it does. They’re pretty sure that their arrangement isn’t standard or the way things are supposed to work.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	i feel you, your precious soul, and i am whole

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be just a blurb to go with a [tumblr post](http://amorremanet.tumblr.com/post/70933857140/i-feel-you-your-precious-soul-and-i-am-whole-i) explaining a graphic… but then it somewhat turned into a ficlet thing in its own right and I felt like sharing. It was also written for Matt/hieroglyphical on tumblr, and I really want to list this as a gift for him but I realized too little too late that I don't actually know if he even has an AO3 account, much less what it is.

           _ **When pure trust begets total surrender, the ultimate bliss of perfect love vanquishes all challenges.**_ ([SirOYesSir](http://www.oocities.org/drmingofhisvoice/quotes.html).)

They don’t mean for it to happen, at least not at first, and they certainly don’t mean for it to happen in the way that it does. They’re pretty sure that their arrangement isn’t standard or the way things are supposed to work.

But Scott needs to get out of his head and get some of the weights off his shoulders and turn off his brain for a little while—he spends so much time and energy trying to be perfect, trying to save everyone, trying to be the Alpha that his Pack needs him to be and keep everyone around him safe. All he can think sometimes when he looks at Derek is how much he wants to kiss him hard and whisper, _help me get away from myself_.

Because sometimes, it’s all too much and Scott has no idea what to do. He never wanted this—he never wanted the Bite (if it’s supposed to be a gift, then can he at least take it back for store credit?) and he never wanted to be an Alpha but now he is an Alpha and every so often, it’s like getting buried under twenty-five-foot waves in the middle of the biggest storm you’ve ever seen. It’s like coming home from seeing Boyd and Erica in San Francisco to find that Stiles and Isaac tried to make him dinner and accidentally burned Beacon Hills to the ground and they’re covered in blood besides. It’s like standing in a motel parking lot, trembling after Allison’s helped him and Stiles and Lydia back up to their feet, stinking like gasoline and just waiting for a torrent of tears that never comes and wondering how to tell someone that he wasn’t just possessed, that he really meant every single thing he said just now.

 _Everything’s falling apart and slipping through my fingers, Derek_ , Scott wants to tell him, every time he balls his hands up in Derek’s leather jacket and breathes in deep his scent of earth and fire and some inexplicable flavorless cold that pricks at Scott’s senses and registers, always and every time, as above all other things it could be, Derek. He wants to lip at Derek’s jaw and say, _Everything is unraveling around me and I need you to take it away. Please, **please** , take it away. Even just for a couple hours._

On the other hand, all that Derek’s ever wanted is someone to follow, someone he can rely on to tell him who to be and what to do. He thought he wanted to be an Alpha—as Talia and Avery Hale’s firstborn child, Laura was the first in line, the crown princess in their Pack. She was the one who their parents raised for that position and groomed to be Talia’s successor, and as far back as Derek can recall, Derek wanted to be in her position. He wanted to be the little prince. It was normal to want that, he’s pretty sure: he remembers Peter talking about what he would do if he were their Pack’s Alpha and how great it would be to have that power. He remembers Peter telling him that they could overthrow Laura easily if they worked together, or they could get her to give up the position with the right application of pretty words because Laura always loved her books more than she loved people and Laura never wanted to be the Alpha, she only wanted to be a writer.

 _What a great thing it must be to be an Alpha_ , Derek thought, and the more he thought that, the more he wanted it for himself.

But then he got it for himself. He killed Peter and he took that power and soon enough, Derek found that he wasn’t suited to it—what did he know about telling anyone else what to do or how to be a werewolf or how to survive? Where did he get off acting like he knew anything? He could barely take care of himself most of the time, much less an entire Pack (never mind how much care Boyd and Erica and Isaac needed and how little thought Derek put into that when turning them)… and the more things carried on, the more Derek just wanted someone to pin him down by the scruff of his neck and insult him and use him and tell him exactly what to do until, with his entire will subsumed into their own, they finally told him that he did so well.

He wants to beg Scott for that but he knows it’s not want Scott needs either—and without negotiating anything, they find themselves trading on and off. Being different versions of themselves for each other in certain scenarios and based on who needs what but ever and always focusing on each other’s needs, desires, orders, on what their significant other aches for in any given moment and for whatever reason, without needing to understand why or what motivates that yearning or anything more than what they need to do and how they need to do it.

 _I mean, I guess you could say we’re mutually submissive_ , Scott suggests one night, running his fingers through Derek’s hair and butting his forehead against Derek’s with the gentle touched that he always saves for aftercare. _Maybe it’s not what everyone else would do but I’d say it’s working out okay for us?_

And as he sucks on Scott’s lower lip and sighs into his mouth, Derek can’t think any other word but yes.


End file.
